Five years ago today I got a terrible phone call from my brother-in-law, Pete that would change my life forever. Five years ago today, my sister, Marianne died of an aortic dissection. Five years ago today has shaped me, for better or worse, into the person I've become.
A week ago yesterday, I crossed the line at the NYC marathon for the John Ritter Foundation in honor or my father and Marianne. I was hurt and it took me a lot longer to finish... but I crossed the line. The last half mile, a wave of emotion took hold of me... Again, with Jacqui at my side, I felt my sister's presence. It was a long day and Jacqui made sure that I would enjoy the experience of it all... and I did. It was amazing... and even more so, because I had her by my side, as slow as it was. It was an incredible journey.
The emotional roller-coaster of that awesome experience has brought me to face this day. A day, since 2008, that has been a very difficult day for me. I woke up at 5:30 Sunday morning anticipating today. I can't fully express the merging of these two vastly different emotions. I've kept myself busy all day today so I wouldn't have to face, or let my family or friends see what lay deep within me. I made it until dinner. I had asked the kids if they knew what today was. I was actually thinking that they would say that it was Veteran's Day... and I was going to ask what type of stuff their school did to honor the Veterans. But they didn't say that... they both were quiet and then Andrew responded, "Yes, we know what today is... it's the day that Auntie Marianne died." I got choked up, but held back the tears.... and then Jock said a special prayer for my sister... and then a prayer for Pete, Mackenzie, my mom, Michael, and me. I couldn't hold back any longer... so I went into my bedroom and broke down. It took my breath away and that ache deep in my soul came back.
It's been five years and I am not sure if it really gets easier. I think I push back any emotions I feel so that I can make it through at times. Any momentous occasion, I wonder what Marianne and my dad would think. It makes me sad that they aren't here to experience these things with us. I hope to think that I've got two angels watching over our family.
A week ago yesterday, I crossed the line at the NYC marathon for the John Ritter Foundation in honor or my father and Marianne. I was hurt and it took me a lot longer to finish... but I crossed the line. The last half mile, a wave of emotion took hold of me... Again, with Jacqui at my side, I felt my sister's presence. It was a long day and Jacqui made sure that I would enjoy the experience of it all... and I did. It was amazing... and even more so, because I had her by my side, as slow as it was. It was an incredible journey.
The emotional roller-coaster of that awesome experience has brought me to face this day. A day, since 2008, that has been a very difficult day for me. I woke up at 5:30 Sunday morning anticipating today. I can't fully express the merging of these two vastly different emotions. I've kept myself busy all day today so I wouldn't have to face, or let my family or friends see what lay deep within me. I made it until dinner. I had asked the kids if they knew what today was. I was actually thinking that they would say that it was Veteran's Day... and I was going to ask what type of stuff their school did to honor the Veterans. But they didn't say that... they both were quiet and then Andrew responded, "Yes, we know what today is... it's the day that Auntie Marianne died." I got choked up, but held back the tears.... and then Jock said a special prayer for my sister... and then a prayer for Pete, Mackenzie, my mom, Michael, and me. I couldn't hold back any longer... so I went into my bedroom and broke down. It took my breath away and that ache deep in my soul came back.
It's been five years and I am not sure if it really gets easier. I think I push back any emotions I feel so that I can make it through at times. Any momentous occasion, I wonder what Marianne and my dad would think. It makes me sad that they aren't here to experience these things with us. I hope to think that I've got two angels watching over our family.
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