So here I am again... one year later. Training for the same thing. It was a tough road to get back here. I haven't had the greatest training or experience the last several months with regards to my running. It's been an off year... so much so, that making the decision to run again wasn't an easy one for me.
It truly was a disappointment to not run NY last November. I wasn't mad that it was cancelled... it was the right thing to do. Mentally, I had a vision of the experience and it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I felt I let a lot people down that had given me so much support. I cannot fully express the pit I felt in my stomach when I was standing in Times Square and found out the race was cancelled. There was such a mixture of emotions that I still cannot fully understand, even now... several months later. It was a great weekend despite the race being cancelled. The experience of meeting some of my fellow team members, along with Amy Yasbeck and Tracy Bensend was amazing. I wouldn't trade it in for the world. It actually helped me make my decision about the race this year.
Anyway, as I continued to train for the upcoming races I had... I wasn't focused and didn't put the right preparation into it. I was tired, but I didn't give myself the time to rest. I think I was trying to get to some sort of finish line, per se... but I never got there. I'm not sure if I realized the fatigue I was feeling until much later as I reflected back on it all. I had two half marathons after New York and then the Houston marathon in January. I had to ramp my mileage back up again for Houston. I remember the weekend that I did my 20-miler in late December. I thought to myself, if all goes well, I'll do the full... if not, I'll drop to the half. That 20-miler was couldn't have been better... the weather was perfect, I had great people surround me... my legs felt fine. Decision made.
Well, Houston was a terrible race for me. Terrible.... meaning soooooo terrible that I vowed to never sign up, train, or run a full marathon EVER again. The weather was miserable; rainy, wet, cold, windy. I prepared for the temperatures, but not for the weather. I didn't wear enough clothes... and I didn't keep my rain stuff on long enough. I started cramping at mile 8... what the heck? Mile 8?!?!?!? I stopped and stretched... I told myself that if it didn't feel better, I would turn around at mile 9 with the half marathoners. Of course it was fine at 9 because I had just stretched it. I got to mile 12 and started hurting again and saw some of those nice spectators that had fruit and water. I ate a banana. Bad, BAD idea. It raced through my body in the bad sort of way. Yeah--- BAD, BAD, BAAADDD way. Saw some port-a-potties. Had to wait in line in the cold, windy weather in my wet clothes tfor my turn to go in. Not good. When I went to squat... my quads locked up. Not good... really, really not good at all. I got out to stretch again... wasn't helping. I hobbled along another 2 miles or so until my friend, Jennifer Niesner caught up with me. That's when I vowed that I would never run a marathon again. At that point, my friend Jacqui's sister-in-law, Cathy Whitlock caught up to me too... she then asked, "What about New York?" Immediately I responded that there was NO WAY I would run another marathon this year. No way. Absolutely no way! I went another mile, barely walking when Niesner finally told me to pull out--- that I will injure myself if I continued. Going through the mental and physical anguish... I pulled out at mile 16. I'm not a quitter... but I quit that day. That is a tough pill to swallow. I've never started something that I didn't finish... but I did that day. The first thought that I had go through my head was, "what a terrible example I am to my kids." How do you explain that? Jock and I dissected it all to figure out what went wrong. Physically, I didn't eat well, rest, or properly clothed myself for the weather. Metabolically, my body was not prepared and did not handle the conditions of that day well. Mentally, I fatigued way too early and my body followed. It doesn't matter what the reasons are... at the end of the day, I didn't finish the race. That moment has been the lowest point in my running journey... one that I am still trying to get past.
So, how did I get back to this point of training for the NYC marathon again this year? The decision to defer or get a refund back for last year's race had to be decided two weeks after I pulled out of Houston. I had a long conversation with fellow teammate, Amy Derksen. Two days before the deadline, I ran with my friend and neighbor, Armando Mejia. We talked it through during our run. Not sure of what the future was going to hold, I closed my eyes and thought of my dad and Marianne. I can hear both of them through Amy and Armando.... but I don't know if I can do it. I don't want to let anyone down again. I don't want to let myself down again. Focus. What would they say? I remembered why I signed up to begin with.... Without much thought or discussion with Jock, I signed up to run again this year.
It's mid-July and I am slowly getting my juju back. The last couple of weekends, I've had the most positive, up beat, awesome person to run with... Drew Wasson. Also, Jacqui has been in town the last week... and her good friend, Barb Coumos.... let's just say they are all helping me focus. You know I believe it's all a God- thing and I surely need it! It takes a village... and my co-dependent running self... well, I need it and will most happily take it!
It truly was a disappointment to not run NY last November. I wasn't mad that it was cancelled... it was the right thing to do. Mentally, I had a vision of the experience and it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I felt I let a lot people down that had given me so much support. I cannot fully express the pit I felt in my stomach when I was standing in Times Square and found out the race was cancelled. There was such a mixture of emotions that I still cannot fully understand, even now... several months later. It was a great weekend despite the race being cancelled. The experience of meeting some of my fellow team members, along with Amy Yasbeck and Tracy Bensend was amazing. I wouldn't trade it in for the world. It actually helped me make my decision about the race this year.
Anyway, as I continued to train for the upcoming races I had... I wasn't focused and didn't put the right preparation into it. I was tired, but I didn't give myself the time to rest. I think I was trying to get to some sort of finish line, per se... but I never got there. I'm not sure if I realized the fatigue I was feeling until much later as I reflected back on it all. I had two half marathons after New York and then the Houston marathon in January. I had to ramp my mileage back up again for Houston. I remember the weekend that I did my 20-miler in late December. I thought to myself, if all goes well, I'll do the full... if not, I'll drop to the half. That 20-miler was couldn't have been better... the weather was perfect, I had great people surround me... my legs felt fine. Decision made.
Well, Houston was a terrible race for me. Terrible.... meaning soooooo terrible that I vowed to never sign up, train, or run a full marathon EVER again. The weather was miserable; rainy, wet, cold, windy. I prepared for the temperatures, but not for the weather. I didn't wear enough clothes... and I didn't keep my rain stuff on long enough. I started cramping at mile 8... what the heck? Mile 8?!?!?!? I stopped and stretched... I told myself that if it didn't feel better, I would turn around at mile 9 with the half marathoners. Of course it was fine at 9 because I had just stretched it. I got to mile 12 and started hurting again and saw some of those nice spectators that had fruit and water. I ate a banana. Bad, BAD idea. It raced through my body in the bad sort of way. Yeah--- BAD, BAD, BAAADDD way. Saw some port-a-potties. Had to wait in line in the cold, windy weather in my wet clothes tfor my turn to go in. Not good. When I went to squat... my quads locked up. Not good... really, really not good at all. I got out to stretch again... wasn't helping. I hobbled along another 2 miles or so until my friend, Jennifer Niesner caught up with me. That's when I vowed that I would never run a marathon again. At that point, my friend Jacqui's sister-in-law, Cathy Whitlock caught up to me too... she then asked, "What about New York?" Immediately I responded that there was NO WAY I would run another marathon this year. No way. Absolutely no way! I went another mile, barely walking when Niesner finally told me to pull out--- that I will injure myself if I continued. Going through the mental and physical anguish... I pulled out at mile 16. I'm not a quitter... but I quit that day. That is a tough pill to swallow. I've never started something that I didn't finish... but I did that day. The first thought that I had go through my head was, "what a terrible example I am to my kids." How do you explain that? Jock and I dissected it all to figure out what went wrong. Physically, I didn't eat well, rest, or properly clothed myself for the weather. Metabolically, my body was not prepared and did not handle the conditions of that day well. Mentally, I fatigued way too early and my body followed. It doesn't matter what the reasons are... at the end of the day, I didn't finish the race. That moment has been the lowest point in my running journey... one that I am still trying to get past.
So, how did I get back to this point of training for the NYC marathon again this year? The decision to defer or get a refund back for last year's race had to be decided two weeks after I pulled out of Houston. I had a long conversation with fellow teammate, Amy Derksen. Two days before the deadline, I ran with my friend and neighbor, Armando Mejia. We talked it through during our run. Not sure of what the future was going to hold, I closed my eyes and thought of my dad and Marianne. I can hear both of them through Amy and Armando.... but I don't know if I can do it. I don't want to let anyone down again. I don't want to let myself down again. Focus. What would they say? I remembered why I signed up to begin with.... Without much thought or discussion with Jock, I signed up to run again this year.
It's mid-July and I am slowly getting my juju back. The last couple of weekends, I've had the most positive, up beat, awesome person to run with... Drew Wasson. Also, Jacqui has been in town the last week... and her good friend, Barb Coumos.... let's just say they are all helping me focus. You know I believe it's all a God- thing and I surely need it! It takes a village... and my co-dependent running self... well, I need it and will most happily take it!
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