We're leaving in one week for New York.  It hasn't quite hit me yet.  I don't know if I'm ready.  I'm not sure if it's the taper that's hitting me... or what.  I don't feel as strong as I have before.  I've done all my runs... but in all honesty, I'm not sure if the quality of my runs have been as good as they have been in the past.  I feel like I've gotten slower... and I feel tired ALL THE TIME!!!  So... I'm not sure if I'm ready.  But that's not the goal.  I didn't go into this to PR.  So the trepidation I'm feeling needs to be set aside and the reason why I am running this needs to be put to focus.

So... FOCUS.  See, the problem when I do that... my stomach starts to churn and the emotions get the better of me.  I watched a video on the computer yesterday.  It was a NYC marathon inspiration video.  I got all choked up and was barely able to finish watching it.  It take a while to get the emotions in check.  FOCUS... why am I running this?  Focus... Focus... FOCUS!!

I'm running this for my family... my kids, my niece, and nephew, my brother and brother-in-law; for my mother, who has lost so much, but with faith, family, and friends... risen stronger; for my cousins who will make the trek to NYC to support me; for an amazing foundation that has done so much and still have much more to do in raising awareness of aortic health and research; for all my friends that have supported me, literally, each step of the way and who has donated way beyond my wildest dreams; for my husband, who has had interrupted sleep each Saturday morning because of my training runs and despite my craziness, has been amazingly supportive of everything I wish, dream, and hope for; and lastly for my dad and my sister, Marianne... who are the reasons why I've decided to do this race and run for the John Ritter Foundation.  They have taken me out of my comfort zone of hiding behind the shadows and living a quiet and comfortable life... to actively supporting a cause important to me and in doing so, getting me "out there".  You see, getting "out there" is extremely difficult for me because it's uncomfortable and uneasy for me.   I'm a private person for the most part and I only let my close friends and family in, and even then there's a barrier that I hold up so they don't see EVERYTHING of me.  It's hard to ask for donations.  It's hard to let people know your vulnerabilities and fears.  It's hard that everyone out there who are supporting me, excited for me, who have donated to JRF for me... know that I'll be running next weekend.  I don't want to fail.  I don't want to let anyone down.  I know that may sound ridiculous because if I weren't the one writing this.. and just reading it, I would think there is no way I could let anyone down, right?  So I can't figure out why I feel that way.  I just do.  But I also know I need to get over it because in the end, no matter what, I will finish this race.  So...Focus.  FOCUS.  My goal is to enjoy the end of this long journey and run the streets of New York with 47,000 other people for my dad and Marianne, and for all the amazing people in my life. 

One more week.....

Forty
Over a week ago (Sept. 29th), I turned 40.  For those who have read my story to the John Ritter Foundation, you know how significant it is for me to hit that milestone.  It was a rainy, wet day and I had 16 miles to run that morning.  I felt "so-so" and thought that the rain and thunder would hit, so secretly in my head, I thought we'd end up turning around early.  It wasn't the case... which was okay because I was with great company (Tony Castronovo and Rusty Jones) and I was feeling fine for most of it until the last mile and a half or so.  One.  More.  Mile.  I felt terrible.  So terrible that my head was feeling weird and dizzy.  I kept thinking to myself, "it's my stinking birthday... buck up and finish this stinkin' run!"  Rusty Jones... a soon to be Ironman, started the 16 with me and stayed with me till the end.  Thank goodness for Rusty!  He's awesome.  He makes running 3 hours bearable when you wake and feel just "so-so"!  Turns out I didn't fuel adequately enough.  GAHHH!  I'm still learing...  Hopefully I can work out some of these kinks before the marathon.  Wish it didn't take me so long to figure this marathon thing out!  :)

I ended up having a wonderful, yet still rainy day with some awesome friends and an even more AWESOME husband.  He threw a birthday bash for me with my good friends.  Anyone who knows Jock, knows that throwing a party... well, just isn't his thing.  He went above and beyond what my expectations were.  My step-sister, Cathy came over from San Antonio, my high school friend, Aimee and her husband Mark made the wet and rainy trek up to Northwest Houston, co-workers, running pals, and some neighbors came to share the evening with me.  I love all these people to death.  They have no idea.  I am so blessed.  I'm forty... and I feel great.... no... I feel FABULOUS!!! 

Four Weeks
Yesterday marked exactly four weeks until the marathon.  I did my last 20-miler on Saturday with the help of Rusty Jones... who started at 4am with me and Henrietta Goncalves who met us at mile 13 to run the last 7.  Again, Rusty agreed to waking up at an unGodly hour to join me.  Have I said how awesome he is?  He's about to tackle his first Ironman in a couple of weeks and slows his pace to run with me.  Amazingly awesome.  I met his wife, Lori and 3-year old son Jacob this weekend.  He's a great guy and I am so lucky that I've had the pleasure to get to know him better on our runs. 

Henrietta is so sweet to change plans to meet us to run the last 7 with me.  She could've met her group at the "Y" and run with them.  Probably would've been better for her... She seriously is one of my dearest friends and I love her!!!  We let Rusty loose at mile 16 when we met up with some other fall marathoners.  Really, I am much too slow for him to run with me.  She really could have just left me, too ... my pace had slowed quite a bit.  Legs felt like lead.  She stayed with me, though...  have I told you how much I LOVE HER!!  She's awesome!

The best part of my 20-miler this weekend... the fall marathon crew that I've done the majority of the long runs with in the Houston heat and humidity... they have the Bar Harbor marathon next weekend and had 8 to run on Saturday.  They caught me during the last mile and I got to run the last bit with my peeps, Carol Gray, Cathy Kimble, and Len Dawson... They're incredible!  Really, they are.  When you spend LOOONNNGGG hours, weekend after weekend with people, you'd think you might get tired of each other.  NOPE!  Not one bit.  My novice little self has had the pleasure to hear stories and wisdom from some amazing people.  AND Cathy Howard!!!  Cathy Howard is not running Bar Harbor, but I haven't seen her in FOREVER!!!  I always have fond memories when I ran my first 16-miler (which was the longest I had ever run after the half-marathon) with her!  LOVE CATHY HOWARD... and CAROL GRAY... and CATHY KIMBLE... and LEN DAWSON!!!  When I finished... I wasn't quite finished... my watch only said 19.85... so Drew "Awesome" Wasson ran a bit more to hit the 20 with me.  I know that's crazy... believe me, others who were done, stretching saw me, and thought I was crazy... if they didn't they should have. 

As I look back at the last 5 months when I found out that I made the team... SOOOO many people have been incredibly supportive and unbelievably amazing to me.  Words truly cannot express how humbled I am!  I do NOT feel worthy, SERIOUSLY!  So many people.... THANK YOU!!!  I still have a month to go, but this has been an amazing journey so far and I can't believe it's almost here.